yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
