i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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