we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
