I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
