barbara walters just said penis...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
