Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
