SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
