i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
