Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
