i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They took my balls.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
