Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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