She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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