She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it hurts more in the daytime
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize