the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
did i walk over a car last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
