remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
