I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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