Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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