I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How's work?
Spinning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
