My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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