If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
