Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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