I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
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