when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You took a bar mat shot.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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