# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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