I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
