Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
