My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
