these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
