dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
