my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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