Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
