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What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
