I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
