I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
