splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
