Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
