Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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