Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
