Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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