member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
