I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
