WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
