That's intense
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
