we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
