I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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