I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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