this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
