I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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