Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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