At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
