how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
