Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
