mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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