Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
