i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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