he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
