Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
