you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
