I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
