I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize