R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just gargled with NyQuil
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
