So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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