i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't turn off my feet"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
