i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You ruined the universe
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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