It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
