Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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