so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
