During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
