yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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