my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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