matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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