11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
