I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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