Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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