so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
