I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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