Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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